the process of letting go

for a few weeks now, i have been wanting to stay home and do yoga instead of go out and have fun.

i’ve been doing less art and more nothing.

i have been living in stillness.

not wanting to go out, not wanting to play, not wanting to make new art, not wanting to work on the new creativity kits, not wanting to put new workshops together, not wanting to take ACTION on anything.  i’ve been in this space before and i know it is a space of renewal and rebirth.  i know that creativity needs downtime in order to flourish.  and yet this can be very difficult for me because i am impatient.  there is so much i want to DO and i want to do it RIGHT NOW.  but that has felt impossible lately.

well, i have been doing a little bit of art… i have been wrapping myself up in the soft and gentle healing space of my cocoon of creative journaling.  i was painting and re-painting and re-painting this page.  here it is after about 17 layers:

art journal page background: layers and layers of colours

doesn’t look like much but it finally felt just right.  looking at it somehow made me very happy. and then a few days later it  became clear and i finished it:

art journal page: totally ready to go now, and saying goodbye to the parts of me that can't come where i am going next

i get it now, what the stillness is about and what this time means for me.

recently my creative journal has been getting all filled up with really amazing images and pages that i don’t quite feel ready to share.  there is new energy, new colours, new shapes, new figures, new inspiration, new words – new everything.  and all of it is encouraging me to step into this new world, showing me the path into it, reminding me that i am ready.

but, in any change, no matter how positive it is, something gets left behind.

the parts of me that want to stay small.

the parts of me that want to hold onto excuses.

the parts of me that are afraid.

they can’t come where i’m going next and i can’t get there if i don’t let them go.

but these are my friends, i have lived with them for so long.  saying goodbye is a bit of a process.  and that’s what i have really been up to the last few weeks.  letting go.  getting ready to move forward, from the inside out.

i am thinking about my trip to new york last january.  i spent a week soaking up inspiration – visiting art galleries, shopping, exploring, eating amazing vegan foods.  i came home absolutely filled and fueled.  i started this blog.  i started experimenting with bringing my work online.  i started doing more art.  i started exploring business options.  boom boomboom boom – creative explosion.  traveling inspires me.

i leave for istanbul on thursday morning.  i have wanted to go to turkey for as long as i can remember.  the landscape, the people, the colours, the textures, the design, the coffee, the lokum, the mosques, the whirling dirvishes, the amazing underground cities, the markets… it’s a creative explosion for me just thinking about it.  and then egypt, pyramids, alexandria… that part feels like a dream.

so what new directions will this trip inspire me to take?

it’s exciting to wonder.

and i will find out soon.

right now all i can do is let go of the parts that i know can’t come with me.  to prepare not just for the vacation but for what comes after – when the real adventure begins.

andrea schroeder creates creativity workshops, downloadable creativity kits, art and guided meditations to support you in knowing and remembering that you are a creative being and you can create anything.

Tagged as: Art Journal, let go, transformation